Grey Matters

Tonight the words have finally arrived. They spilled up through my heart and out of my mouth as I laughed, dancing wildly in rain. It doesn’t rain much here in Colorado, but tonight it did.

I have tried to write. I have tried to communicate with friends and family what God has been up to. However, each time my human words fall frail to the majesty of Him.
If I am honest for a moment, I find myself frustrated. I wish I could communicate God in a linear fashion. Truly, I wish I could understand God in a linear fashion. But friends, if I have learned anything this summer it is this. God is not a God that can conform to human understanding. We try to fit him in systematic theologies, doctrinal statements, and passionate convictions.
I try to fit him into systematic theologies, doctrinal statements, and passionate convictions.
I have found God, however, outside the lines I once drew. Please do not misunderstand, I believe that the pursuit of truth and the living it out is of upmost importance. Learn and dig deep beautiful friends.
Even so, in the pursuit of knowing God, we forget to KNOW him.
In my desire for black and white in areas that have been argued about for centuries I only found turmoil and confusion. When I settled into the tension that rests between the matters… I have found nothing but peace and contentment.
Author Sarah Bessey wrote,
“And now for me, faith is less a brick edifice of belief and doctrine and right answers than it is a wide-open sky ringed with pine tress black against a cold sunset, an altar, a welcome, bread and wine, an unfathomable ferocious love, and a profound sense of my belovedness.”

I have struggled. I found God while standing in a tin shack with dirt floors and worshipping with my brother and sister Haitians. I found God while sitting in a fancy Beverly Hills hotel, while young up and comings heard the gospel preached.

God keeps getting bigger, and I keep getting smaller.

It is a beautiful, humbling, experience.

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